What is domestic violence?

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Domestic violence is any incident of threatening behaviour violence or abuse (physical, verbal, sexual, financial or emotional) between persons who are or have been intimate or family members.

If personal relationships lead to abuse, the situation is hard to cope with. If you are afraid of someone with whom you have had or are having a close personal relationship, whether they live with you or not, you are entitled to support and information to help you make choices about safety.

You do not have to be in a relationship with the person to experience domestic violence. Some people continue to abuse their ex-partner after a relationship has ended.

Domestic violence can be experienced by anyone: it is seldom a one-off incident and can occur for any reason.

Could this be you?

does your partner hit you or push you around?
do they threaten to hurt you, your children, your friends, family or pets, or even themselves?
do they put you down and make you feel bad about yourself?
are they jealous and possessive?
do they control all the money?
do they stop you from studying or taking a paid job?
do they humiliate or degrade you in front of others?
do their moods rule your home and your life?
do they hurt you sexually, or force you to do things you don't enjoy?
does their family also abuse you, or back them up?
are you often anxious, afraid, depressed, or confused?

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If you are experiencing domestic violence
What can you do?

recognise that domestic violence is happening to you and that it's unacceptable
know that you are not alone and there are people who can help
think about you and your children's safety. Prepare a safety plan
accept that you are not to blame. The perpetrator is responsible for their own actions

Remember in an emergency, ring 999.

If you know someone who is experiencing domestic violence

make sure they are safe. If you witness or overhear a violent incident, call the police on 999. Can you offer that person a safe place to go in an emergency?
be understanding. Reinforce that they are not to blame and that there are others in the same situation. Don't pressure the person into talking if they don't want to
don't criticise the abuser – this could make the person more defensive
be supportive. Listen, and encourage the person to express themselves
ask if they have been injured, and if they have, encourage them to seek medical help. Offer to go with them if you can
give them information on the help that is available. Look at options together and offer to contact services for them and go to appointments. Help them explore their options, even if for the future
help them put together a safety plan
offer your address and phone number for receiving messages and information
do not put yourself in a dangerous position – don't offer to talk to the abuser or make the abuser feel their relationship is threatened by you

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Information about domestic violence for victims and people helping victims is also available in pdf form:

Domestic violence directory (pdf) - a practical guide for anyone experiencing domestic violence.

Love hurts (pdf) - a practical guide for professional and voluntary sector workers assisting victims of domestic violence.